'Remember This!' 1: Isaac McKillin'

So, for the past two days I've been cleaning my room. It's usually what I do in the summer, since I have nothing else to do and my room's a mess, even though by the next summer it usually ends up looking pretty identical to the way it was before I cleaned it, but hey, just imagine how bad it would be if I didn't clean it every summer. Yeah, so I call it 'Summer Cleaning' (as opposed to 'Spring Cleaning;' I know, it took me a really long time to come up with that).

Anyways, so I've been looking through old stuff (I don't remember all of us looking so young when we were 5th graders!), including my old English binder from Mr. B.'s class and I actually liked most of what I wrote in that class. So, I thought it would be fun to start posting some of my old pieces (as long as I'm not writing anything new anyways and I need something to keep this blog going, besides part of the point of my blog is to post my writing) in my new series cleverly titled, 'Remember This!' So, I'll be taking old pieces I've written, posting them on here, writing what Mr. B. had to say about the piece (if I wrote it for his class), and then what I have to say about it, one year later (because some of them have parts that just don't work at all, and I'll be the first to admit it, but have something I like in there - that's usually the case with my writing, as opposed to my movies, because even if there's something I didn't do quite well, there's also something that I can find I liked, or why else would I have wrote it, and captures some idea I'm interested in, which you'll find is what most of these pieces are. God dammit it, I hate how discursive these blogs are. I don't mind talking like this, but I hate writing like it). Also, most of these pieces will be within the last two years (because yeah, I'm not posting the stuff I used to write in 4th grade - wow).

Phew - got that all out of the way. Anyways, posted below is the first piece I'll be starting the series with. I thought I'd start the series off on a high note and this is one of my more acclaimed pieces from last year and it spawned one of my trademark characters, so yeah. You may remember it as the story we had to write which took place within 6 seconds. I actually just realized that I don't have a title for this one. Should I call it my 6 second piece, or I guess 'Isaac McKillin'' would be a more appropriate title, so I'll use that. And here it is:

'Isaac McKillin''

by

Marc Hansen

Only five more seconds, I think to myself.

Only five more seconds until he takes off my blindfold and I can see where he has taken me. Him. Isaac McKillin’.

“One...” He whispers.

I wonder where he’s taken me. I can’t see anything with this blindfold on. For some reason I have a feeling I’m in an alley. I don’t know why he would take me to an alley, if he’s planning on torturing me, but it just feels like something I would see in the movies. I don’t know. Maybe he’s not going to torture me. Oh, come on! Of course he’s going to torture me. He kidnapped me, blindfolded me, drove me in his car somewhere, probably in the middle of nowhere, and now I’m down on my knees. Besides, it’s Isaac McKillin’. No one messes with Isaac McKillin’. Could it get any worse?

“Two...” He counts down.

How did this happen to me? How in earth did I get into this god awful trouble? I think about how I had gotten here. So that’s how. I guess it’s reasonable. I deserve whatever’s coming to me, which I would feel a lot better about if I wasn’t me right now. This is gonna be bad. It is Isaac McKillin’. The infamous Isaac McKillin’.

“Three...”

I wish I was a baby. I wish I could start all over. Try it again. Redo. I wish I was just a baby again. I wish that my father and my mother could create me all over again, on some other afternoon, one where they hadn’t been so angry at each other. Maybe then I wouldn’t have been such a screw-up. I wish that I could once again be growing from a fetus into an actual human being, inside my mother’s womb, with eight more months to go. Maybe I wouldn’t have been such a screw-up if she hadn’t been drinking. I wish, that for one more time, my mother could have her water break, take the bus to the hospital, push, scream, cry, have contractions, tell my father to stop watching the game in the waiting room, get overemotional, and finally push my tiny, slimy, wonderful baby body out of her body. I think that’s the way it went. Too bad I don’t remember what actually happened that day. I was so young, naive, innocent, childish. I didn’t know what I had coming in for me. Maybe if I was born differently I wouldn’t be here now. But I am here.

“Four...” One more second. Almost there. Why does it feel like these five seconds are taking forever? How much can really even happen in five seconds? A lifetime. Maybe our whole lives just take place in five seconds? Over before you know it. How do we not know that our complete lives just go by like that in a flash? Five seconds. Time is only relative, you know. It doesn’t even mean a thing. Just a way of keeping track. Just numbers. One, two, three, four, five. Five seconds could be forever. Seconds, hours, lifetimes just depend on your scale. Time is relative. Maybe I wouldn’t be such a screw-up if my life was longer.

“Five...” The words come out as I suddenly feel the cold, black, hard, metal end of a gun touch the tiny shaved hairs on the back of my head.

“Oh god,” I cry, like a baby. I guess he’s not going to torture me after all. Now I know why they call him Isaac McKillin’.

In the sixth second he takes off my blindfold and before I know it, it’s all over too soon. Like that. In a flash. 1 second. I never even get to see where he’s taken me. He just takes off the blindfold and pulls the trigger. Isaac McKillin’. The bullet enters my brain. I wish I could just give it another go-around. I promise I wouldn’t make the same mistakes. Really, I do. But it’s too late. It’s over. It’s all over. I see a flash and blue butterflies fill any last sight I have. I don’t even live long enough to write about a seventh second. All thanks to Isaac McKillin’. As if one more second was all I needed. One second could last a lifetime, you know. I’m repeating myself. That’s what dying people do. Repeat themselves. That’s me. If it wasn’t for Isaac McKillin’ I could have had one more second. One more lifetime. But I don’t. The bullet enters my brain. All noise stops. All smell dies. All sight is gone. No more feeling. Where did the taste go? Wait, how am I still narrating? I’m dead!

Play dead, Brian, play dead.

What Mr. B. said: 'Nicely done - weird + dark, but also it somehow makes a lot of sense + works well.' He also said 'great ending' and really liked the blue butterflies imagery, as well as the entire baby paragraph.

What I have to say: Well, I actually don't really have anything bad to say about this piece. I really like it and am pretty proud of it. Reading it again is kind of a 'Wow, I can't believe I did that. That was good.' experience and I don't have any regrets. Every detail works towards the benefit of the story. I like how I exclude how he actually gets there, the fact that I did a play on Isaac's name (that was pretty creative - and another reason why some of these pieces only make sense for our class, I mean this does regardless, but it's a nice, added touch), the style in which I wrote the piece, the narrator's thoughts, and the ending as well. I also really like the last three 'big' paragraphs a lot. I can't believe I wrote that, because I like it more than I should. It's weird, because I don't think I really knew what I was doing the entire time, but it ended up working out for the best. Anyways, next time, I'll choose a piece where I can be more critical and I haven't decided if this is gonna be like a weekly segment or if I'll just post them whenever I feel like it.

Your thoughts?

Bonnaroo Schedule

Alright, so my sister graduates from high school today (can you believe it?!), and I thought I'd share her graduation present (which I also get to enjoy and participate in) with you. I originally neglected to bring this up because I thought it made me sound spoiled or rich, and I really hate that, but the truth is you travel a lot, tickets are only a couple hundred dollars, it's a passion of mine, and a lot of people would hate doing this (but those who would love, would really love it). So, where is this magical gift to - a sex sauna? No, but you would think that, Alison. Actually, it's to a music festival in Manchester, Tennessee called Bonnaroo. I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's like a modern day Woodstock (that happens every year...), but it's on a farm and it's the largest music festival in North America. So, yeah, I'm pretty excited, and not that I would want to gloat, but to not spread my enthusiasm would diminish it of its value. So, that's pretty much what I've been focused on for the past week and the schedule came out last weekend, so since then I've been working on coming up with a schedule that can fit everyone's desires (my mom and our friend Morgan is going too). So I wanted to share the schedule I've been working on. Here it is:

THURSDAY: (we don't do much this day, because it's the first day, so it takes a long time to get into the festival and the concerts don't start until four. So, besides the three concerts we see that day, we'll pretty much be cruising around, looking around the place, and maybe listening to some bands we haven't heard of).

7:30 p.m. - 8:15 - Miike Snow (This Tent)

10:00 p.m. - 11:00 - The Temper Trap (That Tent)

11:30 p.m. - 12:45 - The xx (That Tent - yes those are the names of the tents)

FRIDAY: (this day is PACKED, though - it's gonna be pretty awesome)

12:00 p.m. - 1:00 - Trombone Shorty (Which Stage)

1:00 p.m. - 2:00 - Tokyo Police Club (The Other Tent)

2:30 p.m. - 3:30 - Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros (The Other Tent)

4:00 p.m. - 5:15 - Dr. Dog (The Other Tent)

5:00 p.m. - 6:15 - She & Him (This Tent - I haven't decided which I love more enough to miss 15 minutes of the other)

6:15 p.m. - 6:45 - OK Go (The Other Tent)

6:45 p.m. - 7:45 - Tenacious D (What Stage)

7:45 p.m. - 8:15 - Tori Amos (This Tent)

8:15 p.m. - 8:30 - Steve Martin (That Tent)

8:30 p.m. - 9:30 - Michael Franti & Spearhead (Which Stage)

9:30 p.m. - 11:30 - Kings of Leon (What Stage) (And I'm assuming we'll miss some of either Michael Franti or Kings of Leon to find time to have dinner)

12:00 a.m. - 1:30 - Daryl Hall & Chromeo (The Other Tent)

12:00 a.m. - 1:30 - The Black Keys (That Tent)

12:00 a.m. - 2:00 - The Flaming Lips (Which Stage - not sure how we're gonna divide the three of these up yet, either)

2:00 a.m. - 2:30 - Galactic (The Other Tent)

2:30 a.m. - 4:00 - LCD Soundsystem (This Tent)

SATURDAY:

1:00 p.m. - 2:30 - Conan O'Brien (Comedy Theater)

2:00 p.m. - 2:45 - Brandi Carlile (That Tent - just my mom and sis for this one, Morgan and I are gonna stay in Conan O'Brien)

2:45 p.m. - 4:00 - Norah Jones (Which Stage)

4:00 p.m. - 5:00 - either Beatles Rock Band Experience or Jeffrey Ross Roasts Bonnaroo (Lunar Stage and Comedy Theater, respectively - we've got an hour to kill, so we'll check in on each and decide which we like better)

5:00 p.m. - 6:15 - Mumford & Sons (That Tent)

6:15 p.m. - 7:00 - The Dead Weather (What Stage)

7:00 p.m. - 8:30 - Weezer (Which Stage)

8:30 p.m. - 10:30 - Stevie Wonder (What Stage - he plays till 10:30, but I doubt we'll stay for the whole thing)

SUNDAY:

12:00 p.m. - 1:00 - Ingrid Michaelson (The Other Tent)

1:15 p.m. - 2:15 - Calexico (Which Stage)

3:00 p.m. - 4:15 - Regina Spektor (Which Stage)

4:15 p.m. - 4:30 - Against Me! (This Tent)

5:00 p.m. - 6:15 - Dropkick Murphys (This Tent)

6:30 p.m - 7:00 - Blues Traveler (Sonic Stage)

And we end the night with:

7:15 p.m. - 8:45 - Phoenix (Which Stage)

MONDAY:

Depart.

Phew. It's gonna be a long weekend, with not much showering or cleanliness, and consisting mostly of watching concerts literally all day (one day up until 4 in the morning!) - like I said, a lot of people wouldn't like this trip - but it's going to be well worth it and an incredible experience. I love my life.

'Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangsta'

Here comes "The Intense Cabin!" (and more!)

Well, I've got two brand new videos for all (one) of you today. I'll start with "Imaginary Me." This one's. . . okay. It's not bad. It's not great, but Ricardo is amazing in it. He's genius, by far the best part of the video, and really the only reason it's worth watching. No other introduction really, except maybe this tagline: "Have you ever wanted to be someone else?" Oh and you get to see me shirtless, so that's always nice (right? No? Come on.)

The next video is "The Intense Cabin!" I love this one, and though sometimes I don't like it as much as I do other times (it differs on the day/time I watch it), at worst I really like it and think not only did we do a really good job on it, but it's pretty well done. At best, like when Abdul and I were doing final editing at my house, it's absolutely amazing, and we couldn't control ourselves from not jacking off to it. So, yeah, I'm pretty proud of this one and like it a lot (though the First Friday Shorts crowd certainly didn't feel the same....). I hope that didn't set your expectations too high, but I think it's really good *cowers*. So, here's that:

And finally, I just wanted to post this because it looks fucking amazing and makes my mind feel like it's about to explode (in a OHMYGODDDDDTHISISSOCOOL way).

Oh my God, July 16th can't come soon enough. Movie of the summer? (Sorry Toy Story 3).

So now your turn, which video of mine did you like better? What'd you think of the Inception trailer? Which do you think will be better: Toy Story 3 or Inception? Discuss. Also, feel free to talk about anything else/expand on those thoughts.

'Literature Reformed' Essay

This is an essay I wrote for class. I thought my blog followers might appreciate this. Enjoy.

“Literature Reformed”

by Marc Hansen

As we embark on the beginning of the second decade of the century, it’s becoming abundantly clear that this really is the digital age. We are engrossed in our technology. There’s not a household without a tv and a computer, or a person without a cell phone or music player. World’s going down the toilet? Well, give me a second, I’m waiting in line for the new iPad. Still don’t have a job? Well, no need to worry, as long as you can still buy the newest, latest, greatest toy with another bank loan. These days you can’t even survive without all of your gadgets, but the truth is I hadn’t really minded until now, when it’s hit me where it hurts most: books. I suppose it’s only the natural progression that soon even books would be relegated to a digital file, but if I can help it, I’ll try and do everything in my power to make sure that society continues buying real, physical books, instead of the Kindle. That’s right: he whose name cannot be spoken. I guess, I’m not really giving the Kindle (and the iPad, for that matter, now) enough credit, but it’s time to really compare regular, old-fashioned books and the Kindle, once and for all. While physical books are for happy, faithful book-lovers, the Kindle is for aggressive, ominous killers, who want to destroy the medium, strip away everything that makes it what it is, and ultimately, gain world control. Or something.

I’ll admit that the Kindle does have some useful qualities, as it would have to have, or there would be no other way its evil creators could plant the idea that this destructive bomb is a good idea into consumer’s brains. But seriously, it does allow the reader to enlarge the print size, which is pretty helpful for the elderly, as well as anyone whose farsighted, and if you’re traveling, it’s much easier to pack a small Kindle with all of your books on it, then all of your physical books, which would take up a significant amount of space. Another positive I’ve heard is that it’s more convenient to buy books on your digital Kindle, have it directly downloaded to the machine, and be able to own the book immediately and that’s where I draw the line. (on physical paper I actually drew a line there - see reading on paper is better than reading on a computer, even though that's what you're doing right now). I love going to the bookstore. It’s like the difference of watching a movie at home or actually going to the theater to experience the film. When I get in the car to drive to the bookstore, it feels more eventful and special. I’m physically getting out of the house, instead of just staying inside, and have that anticipation on the drive over there of finally being able to get a copy of that book I’ve wanted to read. When I picture the Kindle, I think of a bunch of mole-y, shadow people, enclosed in their homes, living off of a computer, and never seeing the sun or going outside.

Not to mention that the Kindle just loses that lovable, human quality that physical books seem to possess. Reading should be intimate. Most of the joy comes from the actual story, but your surroundings affect the experience. Isn’t it always better when you’re curled up in your cozy, warm bed reading, than reading in public, when you’re surrounded by lots of people and distractions? Like I said, reading is meant to be an intimate experience, where you get so involved you can’t stop turning the real pages and even bring the book with you to the bathroom so you don’t have to put it down. One of my favorite things to do is read for hours in the jacuzzi and have the warm, miniscule, water molecules jump onto the grainy pages of my paperback. If I took a Kindle with me in the jacuzzi, I’d just get electrocuted. I like getting my books stained and looking beaten down - that’s proof that they’ve been used, whereas, on the Kindle, I could just delete the file of my book once I’m done with it. Some would say that they’d prefer not having physical books take up all that space, but I love having a stack of books I’ve yet to read, and all the books I have read on my shelf. That’s my life on those shelves.

Finally, books have a history to them that Kindles can’t obtain. You could ask me why I don’t mind that all the music I own is digital and on my iPod, but I love my iPod and I couldn’t live without my computer. The real difference is that the change from CDs to mp3 files on iPods didn’t seem all that drastic, because the way we’ve listened to music has constantly been changing. It just seemed like the next step in the process of evolution. First, we had records, then we had 8-tracks, then we had cassettes, then we had CDs, and now we have mp3 files. Every decade or so, we’d have a new way of listening to music, so an iPod just seemed like the newest way to essentially do the same thing. Books, on the other hand, have always been books. For hundreds of years, they’ve stayed in the same format, on paper, banded together. To change that would be to change what books are all about. Reading has always been a form of recreation, and I take pride in knowing that when I’m writing with pencil and paper, I’m writing the same way our greatest authors, from Shakespeare to Jane Austen to FitzGerald, wrote. I’ve held books in my hands that were published over 150 years ago, and it’s a magical feeling knowing that what you have in your hands is not only that old, but was once new. You can see the history and it’s nice to think that authors today are still publishing their works in the exact same form. Those books can survive for eternity, while with the press of a button, the books on the Kindle could be gone forever.

While some supporters of the Kindle would say that it’s the actual content of the books that count, and I agree that that is the most important thing, I still ask them this question: Was The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, for example (or insert your book of choice), meant to be read on a lit-up screen? When Mark Twain was writing the words down, was he picturing his readers reading his book in this form? No, Mark Twain had never heard of a computer. That’s not how Mark Twain envisioned his book while writing it, and that’s not how it’s meant to be read. Yet that’s essentially all a Kindle is: a lifeless computer. Our species have always written on actual pieces of paper, and we always will.

Some of the jokes (like the print size) really did work better on paper, further proof of my point.